The year of being the opposite of who I know myself to be

After a dramatic turn in life people change. Life is not how I know it anymore and I feel a strong urge to redefine myself. I spent 30 years carefully crafting myself to my present state, and all I want to do now is take a step back and explore ways in which I can be different. This doesn't come from feeling lost or insecure. Ok maybe a little bit. But it also takes courage to leave what you know to be true behind in order to explore aspects of you that you've forgotten about or aren't even sure they're there. I want to bring it all out again and play; I want to revisit the loft of my heart and look for old, dusty, forgotten play-doh crafts and see what new figures I can mold. I almost feel like I did when I moved out of my parents' house; I was young, I was no one and I had nothing to lose, which is a wonderfully liberating feeling. Only now I am just more mature and my shield is stronger, which is a slightly more fortunate place to be.

Who knows if I find what I'm looking for; I don't even have a destination in mind. I shall turn into a beautiful red autumn leaf, throw myself into the sea and look forward to the exotic shores where the currents will take me.

As someone wiser than me once said, and I paraphrase, you have to travel to faraway places in search of what you need, only to return home to find it.